If You Ever Want to be in Love
by fallen for your eyes
Summary: "The first time he says I love you, they are at work. It comes out of nowhere after she says something brilliant, because she's brilliant and he doesn't realize what he's done until it's too late." Or the five times Eric tells her he loves her, and the one time Nell says it back.


The first time he says I love you, they are at work. It comes out of nowhere after she says something brilliant, because she's brilliant and he doesn't realize what he's done until it's too late.

So he backtracks. Because when Eric messes up in front of Nell Jones, that's what he does.

"And by you, I mean your mind. You're beautiful, gorgeous, mind."

It only gets worse from there.

Out of the four guys in Nell's life who had ever told her they loved her, Eric would be the first to finish it off with wanting to lobotomize her.

He would also be the first to make her want to say it back. Which is what surprised her more than any of the words coming out of his mouth.

Eric Beale was the type of guy to tell everyone he loved them, because he believed everyone needed to hear it every once in a while. She's heard him yell "love you!" to everyone on the team at least once, so it shouldn't really surprise her when he says it to her.

But somehow, it feels different.

He doesn't want to deal with the word vomit that keeps coming out of his mouth standing in front of her, so he runs, and tries to pretend he didn't just Nell Jones, his best friend, that he loves her, in a way very different from every other person he ever said the stupid words to. He doesn't want to face the fact that it was possibly the first time he ever meant it.

So instead he runs downstairs to tell Hetty something, and hopes that leaving Nell thinking he wants to harvest her brain is enough to block out the mess he had made.

xXx

The next time he says it, he's drunk. Eric allows himself to get absolutely smashed once a year, and this time, it happens at a bar after work. The team is celebrating something at a cop bar that Deeks suggested. Eric wasn't planning on getting drunk until he saw Nell.

It wasn't just Nell, but it was the cop flirting with her.

Eric knows he likes her. If he listens to his brain, sometimes he thinks he loves her, but they are best friends and what they have is delicate and built on an understanding, and he's not going to let a stupid thought ruin something great.

That doesn't stop him from drinking way too many beers and letting himself forget that maybe he thinks Nell is the most beautiful person in the entire world.

She has only seen Eric drunk approximately three times in all the years she'd known him. He was a quiet drunk, the kind to sit in the corner and not say much, and she wouldn't have really known he was drunk if he didn't ask her for a ride home.

"Hey!" she runs into his side at the bar and he smiles at her, only slightly wobbly.

"Hiya." He takes another sip of his beer and if she didn't know him, she would say he was fine. But she does know him. And she knows his eyes are a little too unfocused and his hands is a little too unsteady.

"All good, Beale?"

"Yeah. Great. Dandy." He stares down at his beer and shrugs. "Drunk." His eyes jump up to hers, and even though he's drunk, she feels like he can read her soul and she doesn't know if she likes it or if it scares her. "Do you think I could get a ride home? If you're not busy. I mean if you are, I can ask Deeks or Callen-"

She forces his arm over her shoulder before he can finish his question and waves to the team before they leave. She's using him as an excuse to leave because she has had enough of being hit on by cops and helping a drunk Eric is so much more appealing than having yet another guy ask to buy her a drink.

He's drunk, but he realizes Nell is taking him home, and his head hurts but he still loves her.

She dumps him on his couch and grabs him water and medicine, even grabs his favorite blanket from the closet and she's smiling at him. He knows it's probably the alcohol talking but he loves her so much it almost hurts.

"I'll check on you in the morning, okay?" She brushes his hair back and her hands feel cool on his face. He likes her hands and her smile. He likes her hair and her how she's so much smarter than him and he just really, really likes Nell Jones.

He's halfway to passed out when he grabs her wrist as she gets up to leave.

"Nell."

"Yes, Eric."

"I love you." He means to say thank you, but the stupid L word comes out instead. He's already asleep so he doesn't notice, but she does and her heart skips a beat in her chest, and if he keeps springing these declarations on her, she's going to develop an irregular heartbeat.

She doesn't know how to answer, and he's asleep anyway, so she sneaks out as quietly as she can and by the time she reaches her car she thinks maybe she has stopped the flush from running up her cheeks.

Nell knows it's the alcohol and when he wakes up he won't even remember saying it, but she also knows she's going to fall asleep playing the three stupid words over and over in her head.

xXx

The next time he says he loves her, he's not even saying it to her. She's in the field, saving the world with her brain and her gun, and he's in OPs, without her.

Instead he's with Nate.

And it's almost like old times, except it's not because it's different now. They've lost people. They've gained people. They are different but somehow the same.

There also is the small fact that maybe Nell is possibly Eric's girlfriend but they haven't really had the _talk_ , but he can kiss her when he wants and she lets him and it's awkward and it's beautiful, and it's just between them.

But Nate's there. And Nate is second only to Hetty about knowing everything.

"So what's her name?"

Eric misses a key and turns to Nate.  
"Excuse me?"

Nate smiles at him, and leans forward on the island. "Come on Eric. I know you."

"You can't possibly know anything. We've said like 15 words to each since you entered OPS." He turns back to his computer, to the things he knows, to watch the team.

Nell kicks down a door and he can't help but feel pride.

"I know that look." Nate's behind him now, and Eric feels trapped.

This was his secret. Supposed to be between him and Nell and now Nate is getting inside his head.

"I know you. And I know her."

"You don't know anything." Eric goes back to typing, so he feels like he's doing something besides deflecting.

"I know that her name starts with an N and that you two are up to something." Nate taps the screen and sends something about the guy they are going after to the team.

"Nate."

"I also know that she is my friend and I may have already had this talk with her." He smiles and Eric wants to punch him but he breaks through the bad guy's firewall at the exact moment, from an encryption code Nell had taught him, and the words slip.

"God, I love her."

Nate laughs and sits back in the chair. "That was easier than expected."

Nell stumbles as she walks into the warehouse.

She heard it. The entire team heard it. Eric said he loved her in front of everyone. Nate spilled her secret in front of everyone. She's not sure which one of them forgot to kill the signal between them but it was out.

She was possibly, almost, kind of dating Eric Beale and now everyone knew.

"Nell?" Kensi nudges her forward and Nell shakes herself out of it. She could deal with the consequences later.

"Nell, on your left should be a door." Eric's voice says into her ear and she has to stop herself from yelling at him, or crumbling to the floor.

He loves her, even if it's for just her brain and she can't handle it right now. She needs to focus but her heart is pounding.

"Federal Agents!" Kensi covers her and they get the bad guy and Eric Beale loves her and she doesn't even know if what they are is a thing.

"Hey," Kensi's driving to the boat shed, with the suspect in the back seat. "The boys didn't hear."

"What?"  
"The boys didn't hear Eric." Kensi offers her a small smile.

"How do you know?" Nell doesn't want it to become a big thing. She liked the secret. She liked the possibility of it.

"I told Deeks my earwig was spotty and asked him if he heard what Eric was saying. He said he heard Eric tell you about the doors. He would've told me if he heard anything else. He's like the captain of the Eric and Nell parade." Kensi smiles at her again and this time Nell can't help but smile back.

"Your secret's safe with me."

The doors open to OPS and Nate is standing there with giant, proud smile on his face. Eric passes her her ear piece and he smiles at her, the smile he only uses when they are alone together. It feels like something. Like maybe their stupid secret thing could be more than an unspoken thing.

Nate opens his mouth to say something, but Nell holds up a hand. "Say anything, Nate and I will bring up Rose in front of the entire team and then leave you to the wolves."

"Alright then, goodnight." He shoots them a wink as he leaves, and Nell deflates into Eric. She doesn't know how, but he makes her calm, makes her feel relaxed, makes her feel loved.

She tilts her head up so she can look at him, and he smiles down at her, and Nell doesn't know if she loves him yet, but there is something almost magical about being able to kiss him. "Hey, wanna be my boyfriend?"

He presses his lips against her forehead. "Yep. Yes. Please. I would like that very much."

xXx

"Miss. Jones," Hetty sends a look between Eric and herself, "Please be quick." Hetty leaves the room and Callen starts making a plan and suddenly Eric is standing behind her. His hand brushes over hers, grabbing her tablet.

"Good luck." He says, and she feels shivers go down her spine, because he's saying good luck because everyone else is there. But she can hear the words underneath.

 _Stay safe. Be careful. I love you._

They've together for months, but it's still a secret, a secret shared between them and Nate and Kensi. Sometimes Nell can see Kensi looking at them like she's happy for them, or she winks at her when no one else is looking, but it's theirs.

"All right. Kensi, Deeks, take Nell with you. You guys go to the crime scene. We'll go to the employer." Callen says, walking out of OPS. Everyone follows, but Nell tells Kensi she'll meet them outside.

"Eric." She's pulling her hair into a ponytail, and thinking about which shoes she's going to change into, but she wants to see him. They've been in the same room all morning, but she feels like it's been years.

"Yes."

"You'll have my back?" It's a stupid question, but it makes him look at her. It makes him stop and stare and smile and sometimes, all she really needs in life in Eric Beale's smile.

"Always." He places the earwig into her ear and cups her face.

"Be careful. Be safe. I love you." His lips brush against hers too fast for it to even be a kiss, and then he's pushing her through the doors right into Deeks.

"I got your gun." He says, holding it out to her. Nell tries to hide her blush, but she knows it's there but there's nothing she can do about it.

Eric loves her. He loves her and he's okay if she's not ready to say it back.

She's smart and she's quick, but she gets herself taken hostage anyway. She's not exactly sure how it happens, but one second she's clearing a room and the next she has a gun to her head and knife at her throat.

She's been trained for this. She knows what to do, but it doesn't make it any easier.

"Callen, where's Nell?" Eric flicks through the cameras, but he can't find her. "I lost her on the camera feed."

He sees Kensi turn a corner, and Deeks take the stairs. He has eyes on everyone but her.

"Nell!" Kensi yells, and then Eric loses sight of her too.

Nell takes a deep breath and tries to calm herself.

 _Be careful._

"One sound and I will slit your throat." The man pushes her forward and she tries to steady her hands. She knows how to get out of his grip, but she doesn't know if she will make it out unharmed.

 _Stay safe._

She hears Kensi call her name, and the knife digs into her skin.

She thinks of Eric, and how he kissed her goodbye and how he told her he would see her later. He makes her calm when she feels anything but. He makes her over active brain feel quiet. He makes her feel loved.

 _I love you._

She grabs the man's arm and swings all her body weight, tossing him over her head. A gun goes off, someone kicks in the door and then the man is dead and she's okay and Kensi is smiling at her and hugging her and she's okay.

"We got him." Callen says, and Eric deflates against the computer.

She's okay.

When she gets back to OSP she kisses him, in front of the team, in front of everyone because Eric Beale loves her and he kind of, sort of saved her life and she doesn't care about what anyone knows anymore.

xXx

The first time she tells him she him loves they are in her car. Hetty had given the team the weekend off, so he somehow attached his surfboard to her mini, stuffed two suitcases in the back and were road tripping to a bungalow on the coast.

And he's so in love with her.

It's a different experience, watching her driving in a pair of shorts and a tank top instead of her work clothes or her pajamas and if he wanted, he could grab her hand or kiss her cheek and it would be okay.

Sometimes he has to pinch himself because Nell Jones is his girlfriend, and when he tells her he loves her, she doesn't run away, and sometimes he can catch her looking at him like she doesn't know if he's real and it makes waking up in the morning worth it.

"Hey," He grabs her hand and kisses her fingers, and he might do it to see her blush, but it works. "I love you."

It's only three words, but the only other times he had said where different. This time, he says it just because he wants to, and it makes her heart beat faster and her stomach twist in what feels like delight.

It shouldn't mean so much to her, the stupid, four letter word, but he doesn't just say it, his entire body screams it. When he smiles at her, when he loops his arm around her shoulder, when he asks her to slow dance with him at 3am, and Nell doesn't really know what love feels like, but she thinks it feels like this.

Eric Beale has seen her in her best underwear and her shittiest pajamas, and he held her as she cried and kissed her when he was happy and he knows more about her than anyone except for maybe her mom.

He knows her favorite Disney princess is Mulan when everyone expects it to be Ariel, and he knows her favorite places to be kissed, and he know what tea she likes to drink only on Sundays, and that one day she wants two kids and three dogs, and that when she gets married, she needs two ceremonies, one in LA and one at home for her grandmother, and he could pick her code out of million and she's driving down the coast holding his hand and holy shit, she loves him.

She expects it to hit her like a freight train, but in reality, it's more like stepping into a hug. She loves Eric Beale, and she never wants to stop feeling like this.

Nell turns the music up and he drops her hand so she can maneuver her way to the rental. He gets out of the car to stretch, and she collides into him, her arms circling around him so he can't move.

"Hey." She snakes her hand around his neck and stands on her tiptoes so she can see him better. "I love you too."

He smiles at her, the special smile he reserves only for special moments, and for once in her life everything feels right with the world.

And then he kisses her, and Nell is pretty sure life can't get better than this.


End file.
